


Left to Your Own Devices

by butterflydreaming (chrysalisdreams)



Series: Clow Reed's Magic [3]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysalisdreams/pseuds/butterflydreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of his parents, Clow Reed finds that he is alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left to Your Own Devices

 

You’ve been left to your own devices again.You’re free to entertain yourself in whatever manner you choose, and this time there will be no one reviewing, afterward, how you have spent your time;no one will be checking your lessons, or making you answer for a less edifying pursuit.You have been left alone, for the final time, by the calm sorceress and the brilliant mage who were your teachers… your mentors…

… your parents.

 

Their few friends, you know, expect you to grieve, but you are a grown man, and they will not move to comfort you.And those who call you “friend” are not friend to this part of you.To see you without your usual knowing smile makes them leery; the loss in your ever-youthful face bitters their cups of mead and keeps the wenches at a distance.It has been better, these past weeks, to keep to yourself.To your own devices.To your own thoughts.

Thoughts where you speak to yourself as if to the most intimate of companions.Where you say “you”, because “I” is too close to the open wound.“You,” because it implies a companion on this lonely road before you.

 

Do not think of being alone. 

 

As long as you do not speak aloud, you will not be mistaken for a mad raver, such as that poor fellow the other day whose wits had left him.This is a small madness, brought on by grief.Court this whim without concern; you have seen many scenes of your own future; you know that you will keep your sanity, even unto your _own_ death. And in those visions, you have also seen that you _will not_ be alone all your days.True companions will find you.

You leave your chair at last.Good.Too much staring out through that window cannot be good for your eyes.You must go down to that room again.You must open your books; you must practice your Art.You must go forward, on this road or another, and let your past remain behind you.It is not gone; there is no need to look back to see it.

And now you’ve become aware of something, haven’t you?A vision of sun-bright laughter?It’s there, in the periphery of your mind.Don’t look at it directly; it must be coaxed!What you need are the simplest of tools, to catch it: paper… ink.The reed pen in your hand is brushing something else forward as you draw your lines.This pen.A quill would serve better, but you didn’t have a feather at hand to cut.A feather… .

Wings.Snowy white, like your mother’s doves.You set them free and watched them speed out the window, rising up into the freedom and sunshine.You know that golden feeling – you think of your father, but only lightly.The image is forming before you, not merely on paper, but clearly in your mind, now.He is magnificent: eyes like fine amber, power in every muscle, claws like death and teeth to match.His wingspan would cast a shadow to terrify deer.Youhave seen him, but never in this detail: growl and guffaw, speed… intellect… vivacity.He bellows fire!

You must make him real.There is no reason to waste time, you tell yourself, and you have enough ability for this spell.It is nearly midday; his voice is sounding a challenge to you, and you must answer it.Insistent, it drives you out of your shadow.

 

“ _Come find me._ ”

 

. . .

  


**Author's Note:**

> Clow needed some love from me, and I've been thinking about Kero... and I wanted to take a stab at writing in the second person. So... 595 words of CCS fanfic... Clow-centric... worked a few sniffles out of me to start with.


End file.
